New invention idea: vibrating tampons
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
