And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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