; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
