I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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