Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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