Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
