my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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