if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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