So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
