I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
