is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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