I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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