I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I booty called her while she was in labor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
