I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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