The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
a search helicopter?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
