I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
