Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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