we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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