I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
