There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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