Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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