Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
