I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
