In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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