i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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