That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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