i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
