So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
