I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize