no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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