Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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