I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
