why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
