I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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