i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
