I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
