dude i'm inner monologue high
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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