U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just crazy horny about you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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