I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
