You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
