As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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