Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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