No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
