Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
