Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
