Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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