U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
