literally had 100 drinks last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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