He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize