The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
