Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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