Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
