Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
