Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dear god my vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
