Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
