her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
