you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
