I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
