Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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