i think my tv is drunk
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
