honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
