i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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