I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
