Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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