Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
