I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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