So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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