And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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