I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
