I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize