good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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