Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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