We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
