He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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