Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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