Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
