this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
